Well, the Tegretol doesn't seem to work and is causing the same agitation and mania that the Lithium did. My baby boy came home from school and began a hypo manic rage and was so unfocused i couldn't even understand him. I tried to comfort him but he pushed me away. He thinks the medications are making him "kook coo". I agree, they certainly seem to be. We're going to hold the dose tomorrow and contact the doc.
Where we go from here is unknown, the mood stabilizers are working in the opposite way they should.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
More roller coaster times
The Lithium is gone and we are now giving our son Tegretol. The Lithium caused hyper aggression and he even assaulted a younger female on the playground and that hasn't happened for a long time.
The Tegretol may take up to a week to have a noticeable difference so in the mean time I pray for patience and forgive myself when I loose it. I hate this but at one point today I said "Just shut up". first of all I hate that sentence, i don't allow my kids to say it and i find it really mean. But I said it out of complete frustration when i was busy with cooking and getting a project wrapped up and he just stood by my side chattering in the RADDY way about nothing to irritate me. So I will push him away. And i did. As soon as i said it I stopped and asked him how he felt. He said he wasn't sure; I think he was in shock. I told him how his chattering make me feel and how irritating it is. I asked him to not talk for 5 minutes but stay by me. He did and we got through it. I also put the project away since i should know that i can't do 2 things at once and parent my kids.
The Tegretol may take up to a week to have a noticeable difference so in the mean time I pray for patience and forgive myself when I loose it. I hate this but at one point today I said "Just shut up". first of all I hate that sentence, i don't allow my kids to say it and i find it really mean. But I said it out of complete frustration when i was busy with cooking and getting a project wrapped up and he just stood by my side chattering in the RADDY way about nothing to irritate me. So I will push him away. And i did. As soon as i said it I stopped and asked him how he felt. He said he wasn't sure; I think he was in shock. I told him how his chattering make me feel and how irritating it is. I asked him to not talk for 5 minutes but stay by me. He did and we got through it. I also put the project away since i should know that i can't do 2 things at once and parent my kids.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Cross your fingers
The lithium is on day 3 and all is well. The evidence states that most children with adverse effects of lithium will be seen in the first week or so. Let's hope this helps. I'm also pleased with the effects of the alprazolam. The medication makes him sleepy and calm. I needed to find a med for rage periods and not for daily use. I also know about the addictive properties of Xanax and I want to minimize his dependence.
I've also ramped up the home therapy. He is shut down. No second chances, only consequences and lots of time in with mommy. I get all of the love... I told him I'm so glad he made me aware that my breath stinks and my butt is big. I'm very grateful to hear about those physical aspects that i was never aware of :)
Yesterday we started reading "Me and My Volcano" by Deborah Hage. After we discussed a few pages he was very angry and said the book made him angry. I'm glad. He needs to continue to use his words and not his hands to communicate his anger.
My daughter is asking us to "get rid of him". I told her he would always be her brother, whether he lives here or not. But that mom and dad want to try our best to keep him home.
I'm trying to do more one on one play with her; it sounds like she needs it.
I've also ramped up the home therapy. He is shut down. No second chances, only consequences and lots of time in with mommy. I get all of the love... I told him I'm so glad he made me aware that my breath stinks and my butt is big. I'm very grateful to hear about those physical aspects that i was never aware of :)
Yesterday we started reading "Me and My Volcano" by Deborah Hage. After we discussed a few pages he was very angry and said the book made him angry. I'm glad. He needs to continue to use his words and not his hands to communicate his anger.
My daughter is asking us to "get rid of him". I told her he would always be her brother, whether he lives here or not. But that mom and dad want to try our best to keep him home.
I'm trying to do more one on one play with her; it sounds like she needs it.
Monday, January 11, 2010
New Meds
We had a retched weekend. My son had one of the most exhausting days with me Saturday. Hubby was gone helping his dad so he wasn't home to help. We like to work as a tag team when GL is raging. It gets so tiring and when tired it is easy to get mad and not be in control. I admit there are days I have to put my son in his room with the alarm on just so I can get refocused and remember getting angry or taking it personal doesn't help.
So, Saturday he started out very disrespectful, hurtful and destructive. He recently acquired a few decorations for his room and they were destroyed. All morning it was time out, time in with mom, strong sitting and finally a call to the doctor for some help. Thankfully, a local church offers a respite program once a month and I dropped my son off for 3 hours so that I could take my daughter bowling and shopping. A tomboy girl day; sports shopping for snowboard equipment. We both had a blast and it was fun to be with someone who is happy and fun. I only hope my son can get there some day.
OK, the doc called me while I was on the way home from work. we discussed his prior meds and suggestions for treatment. We are going to start Lithium and I wanted a prn (as needed) med for rages so we are going to try alprazolam (Xanax). He really wants to wean off the Abilify. My sons A1C test (diabetes) was elevated at 5.9 and this is the pre-diabetes status. A A1C over 6 used to be diabetes but the ADA just revised this to 6.5. Atypical antipsychotics such as Abilify, Geodon, Seroquel, Risperidone, Zyprexa and others have the adverse effect of increasing the risk for metabolic syndrome and diabetes. If the Lithium works as a mood stabilizer, we will wean the Abilify off. I started the meds tonight. I wondered about the Xanax since it should relax my son but everyone has a different reaction and I know that it can dis-inhibit some patients and cause an opposite reaction. I was glad to see him yawning 20 minutes after receiving it.
Sweet dreams baby boy.
So, Saturday he started out very disrespectful, hurtful and destructive. He recently acquired a few decorations for his room and they were destroyed. All morning it was time out, time in with mom, strong sitting and finally a call to the doctor for some help. Thankfully, a local church offers a respite program once a month and I dropped my son off for 3 hours so that I could take my daughter bowling and shopping. A tomboy girl day; sports shopping for snowboard equipment. We both had a blast and it was fun to be with someone who is happy and fun. I only hope my son can get there some day.
OK, the doc called me while I was on the way home from work. we discussed his prior meds and suggestions for treatment. We are going to start Lithium and I wanted a prn (as needed) med for rages so we are going to try alprazolam (Xanax). He really wants to wean off the Abilify. My sons A1C test (diabetes) was elevated at 5.9 and this is the pre-diabetes status. A A1C over 6 used to be diabetes but the ADA just revised this to 6.5. Atypical antipsychotics such as Abilify, Geodon, Seroquel, Risperidone, Zyprexa and others have the adverse effect of increasing the risk for metabolic syndrome and diabetes. If the Lithium works as a mood stabilizer, we will wean the Abilify off. I started the meds tonight. I wondered about the Xanax since it should relax my son but everyone has a different reaction and I know that it can dis-inhibit some patients and cause an opposite reaction. I was glad to see him yawning 20 minutes after receiving it.
Sweet dreams baby boy.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
The medication waltz
Well we saw the new psych MD yesterday and I'm not sure what to report. They all seem nice the first meeting. It isn't until a few meetings when the disinterest and arrogance shows up.
We have to get labs tomorrow and see him again next week. I already told him we need more help with a mood stabilizer and a prn like Seroquel for really raging days. I hope he hears me and we start on a right path again.
We have to get labs tomorrow and see him again next week. I already told him we need more help with a mood stabilizer and a prn like Seroquel for really raging days. I hope he hears me and we start on a right path again.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Another psychiatrist!???
Tomorrow we are off to meet a new psychiatrist. Number 4 in 5 years. Now I'm a patient woman and I respect the medical profession. I'm part of the medical profession in a nursing psychiatric kind of way.
I'm in school to be able to prescribe psychotropic medication. But I can't seem to find anyone who respects my "mom" knowledge. Who will believe me when I call and need help, a prn medication, a tweaking of the meds or an ear to listen. I need someone to hear me; not just say "hospitalize".
No, I am not expecting a miracle from meds but I know that a mood stabilizer may help, that meds need changing because of loss of effectiveness. We had that happen with the Abilify. It worked with the guanfacine for over 2 years when it just didn't. We did a med wash. What hell was that! No meds at all, daily continuous rages, the distress of watching my baby boy suffer from anxiety and confusion. The trying risperidone, depakote, lamictal and the anti-depressants.
Well, we'll see what happens...tomorrow.
I'm in school to be able to prescribe psychotropic medication. But I can't seem to find anyone who respects my "mom" knowledge. Who will believe me when I call and need help, a prn medication, a tweaking of the meds or an ear to listen. I need someone to hear me; not just say "hospitalize".
No, I am not expecting a miracle from meds but I know that a mood stabilizer may help, that meds need changing because of loss of effectiveness. We had that happen with the Abilify. It worked with the guanfacine for over 2 years when it just didn't. We did a med wash. What hell was that! No meds at all, daily continuous rages, the distress of watching my baby boy suffer from anxiety and confusion. The trying risperidone, depakote, lamictal and the anti-depressants.
Well, we'll see what happens...tomorrow.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
A day in a RAD mom life.
This article is an excellant example of what we as RAD parents go through every day as we tightrope the issues of patience and guidance.
Through the house the words rang as they had rung hundreds of times before,
No anger, no edge, no tension, just,
"Come into the bathroom, kids.
Hang up your wet towels.
They'll never dry on the floor."
And so the children come,
pick up their towels,
so they'll dry.
No problems, no fuss,
just grasp it with both hands and hang it over the hook.
Yet one child seems to cower in his room.
Facing me in the bathroom with a wet towel at my feet is too much for him.
I call again, knowing whose towel it is that is left.
Stiff with fear,
his bony thinness evident through his pajamas,
he slowly approaches the bathroom.
Standing in the doorway, his eyes watch my every muscle,
trying to discern the first twitch indicating impending violence.
None comes.
He enters, steps above the towel so that it lies between our feet.
I try to say, gently, again, "Hang up your towel".
But five minutes after a 30 second task should have been done leaves an edge of impatience
in my voice.
He stands, unable to pick up the towel for fear of losing sight of me.
For fear of bending his head and not seeing the blow that is sure to come.
What do I do now?
My mind races over the possibilities.
Do I pick up the towel for him and relieve him of his fears?
Do I master my voice and say again as kindly, as softly as possible, "Honey, you need to hang up your towel."
Do I stand quietly, waiting for the trust that will allow him to bend over and pick up
the towel?
Do I give him a hug and suggest that together we pick up the towel so he can still see
me every second?
Do I leave and let him pick it up alone?
I am not used to watching my few relaxing evening moments evaporate while a child wallows in fear
over the seemingly simple matter of hanging up a wet towel.
There is accusation in his eyes.
Accusing me of inflicting pain,
bearing the accusation for those who did.
My patience ebbs away.
The ebbing he had been waiting for.
The ebbing he knew would come.
The ebbing which would prove his fears were justified.
I abandon the reasonable options my mind has outlined and enter the world he has imagined for me.
Harsh words bark out!
"Pick up this towel immediately!"
In an instant he has grabbed up the towel,
wadded it into a ball,
thrust it onto the top of the hook,
no more able to dry than it had been on the floor.
His eyes have never left me.
The new position of the towel is worse than the old.
I am angry.
To wait so long and see such a mess made of it.
I grab his hands,
force him to take the towel down,
shake it out,
rehang it properly.
His stiffness is alarming.
His eyes try to veil the well of tears,
the sense of rejection and failure.
He flees to his room.
I go from room to room and bed to bed,
kissing each cheek,
settling everyone in for the night,
sharing evening blessings and small talk of the day.
One small body huddles against the wall,
refusing my touch,
rejecting my feeble efforts at reconciliation.
He stiffens against my embrace,
still I pick him up in my arms and try to hug his straight arms and body.
We are both crying.
Six months of patient effort to bring him out of his tomb of fear.
Lost.
Lost because of a tired mom,
and a wet towel,
lying,
on a bathroom floor.
Deb Hauge http://www.deborahhage.com/
Through the house the words rang as they had rung hundreds of times before,
No anger, no edge, no tension, just,
"Come into the bathroom, kids.
Hang up your wet towels.
They'll never dry on the floor."
And so the children come,
pick up their towels,
so they'll dry.
No problems, no fuss,
just grasp it with both hands and hang it over the hook.
Yet one child seems to cower in his room.
Facing me in the bathroom with a wet towel at my feet is too much for him.
I call again, knowing whose towel it is that is left.
Stiff with fear,
his bony thinness evident through his pajamas,
he slowly approaches the bathroom.
Standing in the doorway, his eyes watch my every muscle,
trying to discern the first twitch indicating impending violence.
None comes.
He enters, steps above the towel so that it lies between our feet.
I try to say, gently, again, "Hang up your towel".
But five minutes after a 30 second task should have been done leaves an edge of impatience
in my voice.
He stands, unable to pick up the towel for fear of losing sight of me.
For fear of bending his head and not seeing the blow that is sure to come.
What do I do now?
My mind races over the possibilities.
Do I pick up the towel for him and relieve him of his fears?
Do I master my voice and say again as kindly, as softly as possible, "Honey, you need to hang up your towel."
Do I stand quietly, waiting for the trust that will allow him to bend over and pick up
the towel?
Do I give him a hug and suggest that together we pick up the towel so he can still see
me every second?
Do I leave and let him pick it up alone?
I am not used to watching my few relaxing evening moments evaporate while a child wallows in fear
over the seemingly simple matter of hanging up a wet towel.
There is accusation in his eyes.
Accusing me of inflicting pain,
bearing the accusation for those who did.
My patience ebbs away.
The ebbing he had been waiting for.
The ebbing he knew would come.
The ebbing which would prove his fears were justified.
I abandon the reasonable options my mind has outlined and enter the world he has imagined for me.
Harsh words bark out!
"Pick up this towel immediately!"
In an instant he has grabbed up the towel,
wadded it into a ball,
thrust it onto the top of the hook,
no more able to dry than it had been on the floor.
His eyes have never left me.
The new position of the towel is worse than the old.
I am angry.
To wait so long and see such a mess made of it.
I grab his hands,
force him to take the towel down,
shake it out,
rehang it properly.
His stiffness is alarming.
His eyes try to veil the well of tears,
the sense of rejection and failure.
He flees to his room.
I go from room to room and bed to bed,
kissing each cheek,
settling everyone in for the night,
sharing evening blessings and small talk of the day.
One small body huddles against the wall,
refusing my touch,
rejecting my feeble efforts at reconciliation.
He stiffens against my embrace,
still I pick him up in my arms and try to hug his straight arms and body.
We are both crying.
Six months of patient effort to bring him out of his tomb of fear.
Lost.
Lost because of a tired mom,
and a wet towel,
lying,
on a bathroom floor.
Deb Hauge http://www.deborahhage.com/
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