The lithium is on day 3 and all is well. The evidence states that most children with adverse effects of lithium will be seen in the first week or so. Let's hope this helps. I'm also pleased with the effects of the alprazolam. The medication makes him sleepy and calm. I needed to find a med for rage periods and not for daily use. I also know about the addictive properties of Xanax and I want to minimize his dependence.
I've also ramped up the home therapy. He is shut down. No second chances, only consequences and lots of time in with mommy. I get all of the love... I told him I'm so glad he made me aware that my breath stinks and my butt is big. I'm very grateful to hear about those physical aspects that i was never aware of :)
Yesterday we started reading "Me and My Volcano" by Deborah Hage. After we discussed a few pages he was very angry and said the book made him angry. I'm glad. He needs to continue to use his words and not his hands to communicate his anger.
My daughter is asking us to "get rid of him". I told her he would always be her brother, whether he lives here or not. But that mom and dad want to try our best to keep him home.
I'm trying to do more one on one play with her; it sounds like she needs it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
New Meds
We had a retched weekend. My son had one of the most exhausting days with me Saturday. Hubby was gone helping his dad so he wasn't home to help. We like to work as a tag team when GL is raging. It gets so tiring and when tired it is easy to get mad and not be in control. I admit there are days I have to put my son in his room with the alarm on just so I can get refocused and remember getting angry or taking it personal doesn't help.
So, Saturday he started out very disrespectful, hurtful and destructive. He recently acquired a few decorations for his room and they were destroyed. All morning it was time out, time in with mom, strong sitting and finally a call to the doctor for some help. Thankfully, a local church offers a respite program once a month and I dropped my son off for 3 hours so that I could take my daughter bowling and shopping. A tomboy girl day; sports shopping for snowboard equipment. We both had a blast and it was fun to be with someone who is happy and fun. I only hope my son can get there some day.
OK, the doc called me while I was on the way home from work. we discussed his prior meds and suggestions for treatment. We are going to start Lithium and I wanted a prn (as needed) med for rages so we are going to try alprazolam (Xanax). He really wants to wean off the Abilify. My sons A1C test (diabetes) was elevated at 5.9 and this is the pre-diabetes status. A A1C over 6 used to be diabetes but the ADA just revised this to 6.5. Atypical antipsychotics such as Abilify, Geodon, Seroquel, Risperidone, Zyprexa and others have the adverse effect of increasing the risk for metabolic syndrome and diabetes. If the Lithium works as a mood stabilizer, we will wean the Abilify off. I started the meds tonight. I wondered about the Xanax since it should relax my son but everyone has a different reaction and I know that it can dis-inhibit some patients and cause an opposite reaction. I was glad to see him yawning 20 minutes after receiving it.
Sweet dreams baby boy.
So, Saturday he started out very disrespectful, hurtful and destructive. He recently acquired a few decorations for his room and they were destroyed. All morning it was time out, time in with mom, strong sitting and finally a call to the doctor for some help. Thankfully, a local church offers a respite program once a month and I dropped my son off for 3 hours so that I could take my daughter bowling and shopping. A tomboy girl day; sports shopping for snowboard equipment. We both had a blast and it was fun to be with someone who is happy and fun. I only hope my son can get there some day.
OK, the doc called me while I was on the way home from work. we discussed his prior meds and suggestions for treatment. We are going to start Lithium and I wanted a prn (as needed) med for rages so we are going to try alprazolam (Xanax). He really wants to wean off the Abilify. My sons A1C test (diabetes) was elevated at 5.9 and this is the pre-diabetes status. A A1C over 6 used to be diabetes but the ADA just revised this to 6.5. Atypical antipsychotics such as Abilify, Geodon, Seroquel, Risperidone, Zyprexa and others have the adverse effect of increasing the risk for metabolic syndrome and diabetes. If the Lithium works as a mood stabilizer, we will wean the Abilify off. I started the meds tonight. I wondered about the Xanax since it should relax my son but everyone has a different reaction and I know that it can dis-inhibit some patients and cause an opposite reaction. I was glad to see him yawning 20 minutes after receiving it.
Sweet dreams baby boy.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
The medication waltz
Well we saw the new psych MD yesterday and I'm not sure what to report. They all seem nice the first meeting. It isn't until a few meetings when the disinterest and arrogance shows up.
We have to get labs tomorrow and see him again next week. I already told him we need more help with a mood stabilizer and a prn like Seroquel for really raging days. I hope he hears me and we start on a right path again.
We have to get labs tomorrow and see him again next week. I already told him we need more help with a mood stabilizer and a prn like Seroquel for really raging days. I hope he hears me and we start on a right path again.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Another psychiatrist!???
Tomorrow we are off to meet a new psychiatrist. Number 4 in 5 years. Now I'm a patient woman and I respect the medical profession. I'm part of the medical profession in a nursing psychiatric kind of way.
I'm in school to be able to prescribe psychotropic medication. But I can't seem to find anyone who respects my "mom" knowledge. Who will believe me when I call and need help, a prn medication, a tweaking of the meds or an ear to listen. I need someone to hear me; not just say "hospitalize".
No, I am not expecting a miracle from meds but I know that a mood stabilizer may help, that meds need changing because of loss of effectiveness. We had that happen with the Abilify. It worked with the guanfacine for over 2 years when it just didn't. We did a med wash. What hell was that! No meds at all, daily continuous rages, the distress of watching my baby boy suffer from anxiety and confusion. The trying risperidone, depakote, lamictal and the anti-depressants.
Well, we'll see what happens...tomorrow.
I'm in school to be able to prescribe psychotropic medication. But I can't seem to find anyone who respects my "mom" knowledge. Who will believe me when I call and need help, a prn medication, a tweaking of the meds or an ear to listen. I need someone to hear me; not just say "hospitalize".
No, I am not expecting a miracle from meds but I know that a mood stabilizer may help, that meds need changing because of loss of effectiveness. We had that happen with the Abilify. It worked with the guanfacine for over 2 years when it just didn't. We did a med wash. What hell was that! No meds at all, daily continuous rages, the distress of watching my baby boy suffer from anxiety and confusion. The trying risperidone, depakote, lamictal and the anti-depressants.
Well, we'll see what happens...tomorrow.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
A day in a RAD mom life.
This article is an excellant example of what we as RAD parents go through every day as we tightrope the issues of patience and guidance.
Through the house the words rang as they had rung hundreds of times before,
No anger, no edge, no tension, just,
"Come into the bathroom, kids.
Hang up your wet towels.
They'll never dry on the floor."
And so the children come,
pick up their towels,
so they'll dry.
No problems, no fuss,
just grasp it with both hands and hang it over the hook.
Yet one child seems to cower in his room.
Facing me in the bathroom with a wet towel at my feet is too much for him.
I call again, knowing whose towel it is that is left.
Stiff with fear,
his bony thinness evident through his pajamas,
he slowly approaches the bathroom.
Standing in the doorway, his eyes watch my every muscle,
trying to discern the first twitch indicating impending violence.
None comes.
He enters, steps above the towel so that it lies between our feet.
I try to say, gently, again, "Hang up your towel".
But five minutes after a 30 second task should have been done leaves an edge of impatience
in my voice.
He stands, unable to pick up the towel for fear of losing sight of me.
For fear of bending his head and not seeing the blow that is sure to come.
What do I do now?
My mind races over the possibilities.
Do I pick up the towel for him and relieve him of his fears?
Do I master my voice and say again as kindly, as softly as possible, "Honey, you need to hang up your towel."
Do I stand quietly, waiting for the trust that will allow him to bend over and pick up
the towel?
Do I give him a hug and suggest that together we pick up the towel so he can still see
me every second?
Do I leave and let him pick it up alone?
I am not used to watching my few relaxing evening moments evaporate while a child wallows in fear
over the seemingly simple matter of hanging up a wet towel.
There is accusation in his eyes.
Accusing me of inflicting pain,
bearing the accusation for those who did.
My patience ebbs away.
The ebbing he had been waiting for.
The ebbing he knew would come.
The ebbing which would prove his fears were justified.
I abandon the reasonable options my mind has outlined and enter the world he has imagined for me.
Harsh words bark out!
"Pick up this towel immediately!"
In an instant he has grabbed up the towel,
wadded it into a ball,
thrust it onto the top of the hook,
no more able to dry than it had been on the floor.
His eyes have never left me.
The new position of the towel is worse than the old.
I am angry.
To wait so long and see such a mess made of it.
I grab his hands,
force him to take the towel down,
shake it out,
rehang it properly.
His stiffness is alarming.
His eyes try to veil the well of tears,
the sense of rejection and failure.
He flees to his room.
I go from room to room and bed to bed,
kissing each cheek,
settling everyone in for the night,
sharing evening blessings and small talk of the day.
One small body huddles against the wall,
refusing my touch,
rejecting my feeble efforts at reconciliation.
He stiffens against my embrace,
still I pick him up in my arms and try to hug his straight arms and body.
We are both crying.
Six months of patient effort to bring him out of his tomb of fear.
Lost.
Lost because of a tired mom,
and a wet towel,
lying,
on a bathroom floor.
Deb Hauge http://www.deborahhage.com/
Through the house the words rang as they had rung hundreds of times before,
No anger, no edge, no tension, just,
"Come into the bathroom, kids.
Hang up your wet towels.
They'll never dry on the floor."
And so the children come,
pick up their towels,
so they'll dry.
No problems, no fuss,
just grasp it with both hands and hang it over the hook.
Yet one child seems to cower in his room.
Facing me in the bathroom with a wet towel at my feet is too much for him.
I call again, knowing whose towel it is that is left.
Stiff with fear,
his bony thinness evident through his pajamas,
he slowly approaches the bathroom.
Standing in the doorway, his eyes watch my every muscle,
trying to discern the first twitch indicating impending violence.
None comes.
He enters, steps above the towel so that it lies between our feet.
I try to say, gently, again, "Hang up your towel".
But five minutes after a 30 second task should have been done leaves an edge of impatience
in my voice.
He stands, unable to pick up the towel for fear of losing sight of me.
For fear of bending his head and not seeing the blow that is sure to come.
What do I do now?
My mind races over the possibilities.
Do I pick up the towel for him and relieve him of his fears?
Do I master my voice and say again as kindly, as softly as possible, "Honey, you need to hang up your towel."
Do I stand quietly, waiting for the trust that will allow him to bend over and pick up
the towel?
Do I give him a hug and suggest that together we pick up the towel so he can still see
me every second?
Do I leave and let him pick it up alone?
I am not used to watching my few relaxing evening moments evaporate while a child wallows in fear
over the seemingly simple matter of hanging up a wet towel.
There is accusation in his eyes.
Accusing me of inflicting pain,
bearing the accusation for those who did.
My patience ebbs away.
The ebbing he had been waiting for.
The ebbing he knew would come.
The ebbing which would prove his fears were justified.
I abandon the reasonable options my mind has outlined and enter the world he has imagined for me.
Harsh words bark out!
"Pick up this towel immediately!"
In an instant he has grabbed up the towel,
wadded it into a ball,
thrust it onto the top of the hook,
no more able to dry than it had been on the floor.
His eyes have never left me.
The new position of the towel is worse than the old.
I am angry.
To wait so long and see such a mess made of it.
I grab his hands,
force him to take the towel down,
shake it out,
rehang it properly.
His stiffness is alarming.
His eyes try to veil the well of tears,
the sense of rejection and failure.
He flees to his room.
I go from room to room and bed to bed,
kissing each cheek,
settling everyone in for the night,
sharing evening blessings and small talk of the day.
One small body huddles against the wall,
refusing my touch,
rejecting my feeble efforts at reconciliation.
He stiffens against my embrace,
still I pick him up in my arms and try to hug his straight arms and body.
We are both crying.
Six months of patient effort to bring him out of his tomb of fear.
Lost.
Lost because of a tired mom,
and a wet towel,
lying,
on a bathroom floor.
Deb Hauge http://www.deborahhage.com/
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Roller coaster of Christmas
My son has been on the roller coaster of Christmas emotions; loving one minute but mostly confused, hypervigilant and destructive. We work everyday to keep him home by keeping US safe. After a really crappy week of violent outbursts, fecal drawing and fighting for control, today was nice. He listened, was respectful, played alone and didn't bother his sister and even took care of his evening hygiene without a mess. I am blessed today.
Mass School Suspends Child For Drawing Crucifix
Mass School Suspends Child For Drawing Crucifix
Have we come to a point when a Catholic child can not draw a picture of a crucifix without needing a psychological exam? I pray for this poor family. Schools need to get real and use a little common sense.
Have we come to a point when a Catholic child can not draw a picture of a crucifix without needing a psychological exam? I pray for this poor family. Schools need to get real and use a little common sense.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Late night.
Today was one of those crazy days. I left for work at 6 am, visited my in laws for supper and help with some physical cares ( my mother in law is in her mid 80's and has Alzheimer's) then off to school for my last class of the semester...yea! A long day but I need to be away and use my mind and help others to feel stronger. Make sense? Hubby stayed home and is wonderful and even more patient than me. He put our son to bed early for disrespect and hitting. I tucked him in at 9 pm since he had fallen asleep on the bed with clothes on. No pull-up on so lots of laundry to anticipate.
I have to work again tomorrow so off to bed.
I have to work again tomorrow so off to bed.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Snow Day
Today was a snow day! The kids were thrilled and I was glad that it was my day off. As a nurse there is never a snow day and even though I drive 30 miles to work, I would have to make it in. Instead I got a day to catch up with a little homework, make hot tea for the kids, watch my hubby shovel us out. 12 " of snow. Heavy wet snow. Now as a born and bred upper Midwesterner, I love my snow, especially the first few storms. Just like everyone else here I get really sick of it by March and hate those late May snows or freezes. Well, what do I expect; I live in Wisconsin.
My daughter had a blast outside and then she took her new Rip Stick board in the basement to practice-my little jock.
My son tried to play outside but just ended up trying to hurt his sister, threw snow at daddy while he was snow blowing-unsafe. So he won the big lottery, mommy time wit me...all day and I'm exhausted. Let's see, he pulled my hair, tried to scare me repeatedly, made a mess every where and finished it of by defecating in his pants and making such a mess trying to clean up I finally did it myself. I then got to bleach down half the house.
He did sit next to me late this evening for a while and even put his head on my shoulder for about 15 seconds before calling me a jerk. He finally put him to bed at 7pm when he screamed in my ear. And I wonder why I have tinnitus? He raged a few minutes and knew I wasn't going to bye the "I'm sorry" and "I didn't mean it" and after a few more choice words he settled and went to bed.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
A new therapist
Today was day one with a new therapist. This time I decided to work with a woman,; our last 2 therapist were men.
I am also considering a new psychiatrist.
Anyway, This is the first time I didn't go in with my son. After an hour he emerged and therapist said it was a great first meeting. Well....It must have stirred up some good strong feelings because he was digging out poop and drawing on the walls for me tonight. He also hit, spit kicked and pulled my hair.
I am almost considering a hospital stay for respite for hubby and I. And I hate psych hospitals for kids. I think they are expensive glorified day care and my son comes home sicker than before and learns even better profanity and gang signs...yeah ;(
I'll try to keep him safe and quiet tomorrow, I think we will be having a snow day.
I am also considering a new psychiatrist.
Anyway, This is the first time I didn't go in with my son. After an hour he emerged and therapist said it was a great first meeting. Well....It must have stirred up some good strong feelings because he was digging out poop and drawing on the walls for me tonight. He also hit, spit kicked and pulled my hair.
I am almost considering a hospital stay for respite for hubby and I. And I hate psych hospitals for kids. I think they are expensive glorified day care and my son comes home sicker than before and learns even better profanity and gang signs...yeah ;(
I'll try to keep him safe and quiet tomorrow, I think we will be having a snow day.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Older adoption
My sons birth brother has contacted us. We found him 2 years ago but we were not in the emotional position to adopt him as we were in the throes of dealing with the hardest times with our sons RAD; including 2 hospitalizations.
We are now not in a financial position to help adopt him.
He has asked and I don't know what to do. My heart is large enough for him but my wallet is empty.
Please add him to your prayers and help us decide how to best help him.
We are now not in a financial position to help adopt him.
He has asked and I don't know what to do. My heart is large enough for him but my wallet is empty.
Please add him to your prayers and help us decide how to best help him.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving
The kids are in bed. A rough evening but now all is well in the world. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Quiet night
Everyone is sleeping...all is quiet. Baby boy found a sharpie marker and proceeded to scribble all over his bedroom wall, mattress, pillow, and body because he way angry. I calmly handed him a Magic Eraser (they truly are magic, I love them) and told him to start cleaning. He later snuggled with me.
But now I'm the only one up and all is quiet on the RAD front...for tonight :)
But now I'm the only one up and all is quiet on the RAD front...for tonight :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Incredible
It is just incredible. For the last 2 days my son has been almost normal. Yes, there is still sibling rivalry that goes on but not too much of the Raddy behavior. A few broken pencils and one short outburst after school but I thank God for days like this.
My hubby's work is winding down and my school and work schedule are not overly busy, maybe he is just reacting to our relaxed behavior. I have to stop over analyzing and just relish the moment.
My hubby's work is winding down and my school and work schedule are not overly busy, maybe he is just reacting to our relaxed behavior. I have to stop over analyzing and just relish the moment.
Monday, November 23, 2009
The complexities of RAD
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Sunday, November 22, 2009
Following the leader
I have been reading a lot of RAD blogs lately. As things act up in our home, I am curious about how other families cope. One thing is clear, patience, patience, patience!
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Anxiety driven RAD
My RAD baby boy is anxiety driven, picking his skin until bleeding, hitting his head and obsessively calling out you-ee you-ee you-ee. I found another feces filled diaper under his dresser this morning where he was on a time out after hitting his sister. He can't take my affection for more than a few seconds, that RAD creeping up and covering his heart. I hug him and kiss his cheek and all of a sudden I feel a tenseness and he sticks his face in mine or pulls my hair or says "you stink'; all intended to push me away.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Bleach time
My Baby boy is raging again. We tried to cuddle tonight for a few minutes and he became very restless, starting picking his scabs open and ended up wiping feces on his door and wiping himself with the cream colored shower curtain. He just wants us to reject him, push him away or hurt him. I tell him he is safe and loved. He still doesn't believe me.
Monday, July 06, 2009
Send in the clowns
I haven't posted for a long time. Thing have been difficult the last year. Hubby and I are fine but the kids are challenging. My son has been hospitalized and struggles daily. My daughter is finally talking about her birth mom.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
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